Formatted PDF: https://homebrewery.naturalcrit.com/share/HJyEXHOt4
Today’s featured item is a most wonderous construction: a ladder that keeps on going up, and up, and up! Made by our very own Malfavhar for his ascent to the realm of the cloud giants, this Ladder of Ascension stands vertically by itself and then vanishes behind the user and appears in front of them as they climb, making even the most challenging of mountains child’s play to overcome*.
* Ladder of Descension sold separately. Dead Sea Trading Company, Inc. is not responsible for loss or damages resulting from failure to descend or mount ladder properly.
A Story From the Frontier
A rift has opened up in the foothills to the east, wherefrom it is said that monsters of a human-like nature have appeared and spoken with the populace. These creatures are said to have long teeth and slitted eyes, and to stand tall and slender while giving off a peculiar scent of decaying flesh. They wear cast iron armor that seems impossibly heavy for their slender builds, and they carry heavy weapons designed to hack and slash.
Black Army Soldier
Medium humanoid, lawful evil
- Armor Class 12
- Hit Points 23(4d8+5)
- Speed 30ft.
|13 (+1)||8 (-1)||14 (+2)||10 (+0)||9 (-1)||10 (+0)|
- Condition Immunities None
- Senses passive Perception 11
- Languages Common, Orc
Vicious Swing. Melee Weapon Attack: +3 to hit, one target. Hit 7 (1d8 + 2)
In Other News
- A stray Donkey has been found with saddlebags attached. The bags contain maps and a strange spinning globe which the editors can find no use for.
- A large anvil fell from the sky last night and landed in a field outside of town – sky djinni, or the Flying Dutchman?
- The person responsible for the delivery of three carts of manure to our periodical has their own joke turned upon them; we had been about to order some to pot the garden.
Malfavhar’s Monday Madness
Today, I, Malfavhar, bring to you the wonders of a giant’s house! From a land far in the sky, accessed by my own most arcane and if I dare say impressive magic, comes this account of what I found, that no mere man had yet laid eyes on. What wonders lay within! I cannot describe them all, so this short bit will have to do.
Claude’s Emporium and Place of Residence
|1d12||Item of Special Interest|
|1||A pair of sandals made of tree trunks lashed together with vines.|
|2||A cage of bars as thick as a man’s arm that holds horses for snacking upon.|
|3||A portrait of Claude, painted skillfully by his wife.|
|4||A barrel larger than most fortresses, out of which pours golden ale.|
|5||A hat the size of a swimming pool, filled with water and occupied by a goblin convinced it is one.|
|6||Small Folk: Their Habits and Personalities|
|7||An anvil and workman’s tools.|
|8||A size-large mouse (hostile on odds; friendly on evens).|
|9||Eating with the Bones In: A guide to cooking the below dwellers.|
|10||A pair of boots whose odor forces a constitution save.|
|11||A whale caught fresh this morning by bait and tackle, containing the remains of a sailing ship.|
|12||A fireplace burning giant redwood logs.|
A Description For the Masses
*You slip through the door and find yourself in a combined living space and workshop. To one side is an anvil and workman’s tools against the wall, while to the other is a kitchen with a window. On the counter is a cage of horses and a book entitled *Eating with the Bones In: A guide to cooking the below dwellers.* You can also see a barrel big enough to dock ships in and a fresh-caught fish lying on the table, though closer inspection reveals it is a whale. The giant logs in the fire are cut from a redwood, and a portrait of the owner taller than King Edmond’s castle hangs on the wall.*
If the heroes happen to meet Claude, he’s a very reasonable fellow who understands that humans aren’t for eating, but insists that stealing a couple of horses or cows or other small game now and then isn’t bad for their welfare. He’s an ironsmith by trade and has a wife and two grown daughters who have since moved out. He enjoys peace and quiet and doesn’t like being disturbed, but bears the heroes no particular ill will.