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Dead Sea Almanac Friday Feature – March 22, 2019

Featured Item

That’s right, folks, it’s Featured Item Friday once again! Today’s most legendary piece of equipment is known as the Kiln Hammer, and is a spectacle to behold! Infused with the magic of ancient dwarven hammer-smiths, the Kiln Hammer is compatible with all major smelting traditions and codes of work! It smites your foes while repurposing the gear they carry at the same time, a two-for-one deal that we at the Trading Company are proud to bring you! Throw it, swing it, drop it from on high! How you use the hammer is up to you, but know that our finest guildsmiths are hard at work producing replicas for those of you not good for the ten thousand crown at which we value the original! Get yours today, for the low price of one-twenty crown!


The Kiln Hammer is a magic bludgeoning weapon weighing two pounds and dealing 1d8 damage plus an additional 1d8 fire damage on a hit; the “original” contains far more potent magic, which ups the additional damage to 3d8; however, it is held securely in the vault of one Marcius Linnelroy, a gnome artisan made famous by his impressionistic art. Linnelroy is quite well off, and the vault is well-guarded and constructed; he will not part with the hammer for any amount of gold because he is utterly fascinated with its faithful reproduction. It would make a good carrot for any dungeon master to have Linnelroy send the heroes on a quest for something he desires greatly; alternatively, they may try to execute a heist, or work with him to design a faithful copy, which yields an additional 2d8 damage unless activated at an ancient dwarven forge to achieve its fullest power.

A Story From the Frontier

Today we are most aggrieved to hear of the entire destruction of the port-town city of Watersham, whose refugees have flooded the streets today in claims of utter destruction by a beholder known only as Xeran. The tales of refugees say the fearful eye came looking for a young woman he intended to take as his lawfully wedded bride; in refusing him, her father doomed his entire town. There are calls for the stoning of the man and his daughter in retribution for the town’s destruction, but Mayor Edsford has called for restraint, and has invited the man to stay with him. As of the time of press, a sizeable mob of protest was scheduled for later in the day, but the reader is encouraged to avoid any such protest for fear of conflict with the Civil Guard.

Friday Hero: Mayor Edsford

Today’s hero is none other than Mayor Edsford himself. Born a young man with naught a penny to his name, the aspiring politician joined the Queen’s Guard and got himself elected on a platform of the honesty and respect that they engender. After serving two tours against the pirates of the Western Isles, he is a renowned statesman and military commander, and has ensured our town’s prosperity for these past seven years. Now up for re-election again, the honorable military man is almost guaranteed the victory, especially as his opponent is a man of almost zero moral character: the scumbag charlatan known as Robert the Mine-Master – more like Robert the Slave-Master, if you ask us. The dishonorable villain has worked his workers beyond their guild-allotted hours and refused to pay them bonus wages, making him a clearly inferior choice for a people so proud of their city’s guildsmanship. All readers are encouraged to use any seasoning product not manufactured by Dead Sea Salt; the expense of importing is nothing compared to the moral shame of sheer complicity. Vote Edsford by early ballot today!

Notable Persons This Week

In town this week we have the following news about our leaders and celebrities:

  • Bishop Argham is visiting the poor, a gesture markedly different than his typical posture of being against the soup kitchens.
  • The Queen’s Nephew, Duke Arrington, is in town to visit his acquaintance Myra Lallingham, whose father is a most prominent member of the Guild of Barristers and worth a fortune equivalent to the duke’s himself.
  • Myrus the Rat-Bungler has come to town with his Amazing Rat Circus, and it seems that both the mayor and his wife enjoyed it greatly, along with all three children.
  • Josef Aleston, of Aleston’s Cider, has been in town about the acquisition of two separate orchards, to be united under the Aleston banner, and a brewing facility set up on adjoining land.

The editors are particularly excited about the last note, as Aleston’s cider is a most exceptional product for casual drinking, being only a small percentage alcohol but a great percentage delight and merry-making in its taste and sensory effects.

In Other News

  • Police continue their search for the Black Rider, claimed by one of the Mermaid Sisters to be responsible for their allegedly notorious crimes.
  • Johnston’s Tobacco opens a new lumber plant on the East Bank, to be a receiving station for all manner of floated crate and timber.
  • Snow is reported at this late date in a town as far north as Lora, being less than one hundred miles from here and experiencing temperatures a good deal colder than our own.

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